So we have been living up north a little over a year, and
lately I have been thinking about where I was mentally/emotionally last year.
Lance was offered a tremendous opportunity career wise and we literally were
given 24hrs (or less) to decide if we would accept or not. That decision would
mean relocating about 20minutes north of Bellevue, an area I knew nothing
about. Although I knew this would be a
great thing for our family and for Lance’s career, it was a huge shock to my
system. I had a great life in Puyallup! Our last baby had just turned 1, Kaylee
was enrolled and excited to start Kindergarten, I had a great circle of
friends, I was volunteering at the Y helping out with the zumba class, etc.
Everything seemed just perfect. Of course we had trials and hardships that come
with life, some much bigger than others, but we were settled. We drew strength
from our faith. When we moved I knew
without any doubt that this is where Heavenly Father wanted us to be. That is why about a month after we moved I
was surprised how full of doubt I was all of a sudden. I had no friends, no
calling in church, didn’t know where anything was (thank goodness for GPS, I
don’t know how I would have found my way around). I really went through a
mental and emotional breakdown so to speak. I felt resentment towards Lance.
After all it was his job that took me away from everything I had come to know
and love, right? This of course was NOT
good for our marriage. I felt SO alone!
Lance was also working like mad to keep all of the clients and assets from
leaving the office he took over from the previous advisor. I started questioning why Heavenly Father had
made me feel so peaceful and excited about this move if THIS is how it was
going to be. How could this possibly be a good thing??
Now, over a year later I can see why I had to go through
this trial. We really are given
hardships to help make us stronger. Stronger physically, emotionally, &
spiritually. I was so alone that I had no other choice than to turn to my
Heavenly Father for comfort and strength.
It sounds kinda cliché , but I really feel like I found myself. I also think
that my running helped get me through it too.
I felt so alive when I ran. I felt strong. I felt closer and so thankful
to my Heavenly Father for giving me a body that was so physically capable. I
felt His spirit with me as I took measures to better myself. THAT is what this
move, this, what I once thought hardship, was all about….figuring out who I
was. And not just who I was when my life seemed all set and figured out, but
who I was when all the things I knew and loved changed.
Now that I look back, it was such a small thing to have to
go through. Lots of people pick up their lives and move, right? But at the time
it was a big thing to me. Heavenly Father knew that this is what I needed to
become better. Notice I said better, not bitter! I went through a bout of
feeling bitter with the whole situation, and I quickly learned that is a
horrible state to live in. I have friends that have gone through unspeakable
hard trials and I have seen the ones that allowed that hardship to make them
better, and I have seen the ones who let it make them bitter, angry, and
resentful towards others. Guess which friends I look up to and admire the
most!? Everyone goes through hard times,
through struggles, NO ONE is exempt. It’s the only way to become stronger and
come closer to reaching our full potential. So instead of living in a state of
why me? Why is this happening? Whoa is me! How could Heavenly Father let this
happen? I would say, Why NOT me!? If this is what the Lord needs me to go
through, I will trust that there is an amazing strength, grace, and serenity
that is sure to follow.
I am SO much happier now! I feel like a better person even.
I have made a few really amazing friends. I see now that my life back in
Puyallup was not so perfect. There were some toxic relationships/friendships
that I needed to get away from. I am closer to my Heavenly Father now, and have
gained a greater trust in His plan for my life! J
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